By Kishor Napier-Raman and Stephen Brook
And so to the wedding of Anthony Albanese and Jodie Haydon. Those even vaguely in the know can’t say a word. A vow of silence wrapped in an omerta inside a non-disclosure agreement.
And for those still waiting for some sort of nod – we’re sorry, but you’re probably not on the list.
Ever since the PM’s Valentine’s Day proposal, potential dates have bounced around. This masthead reported on Sunday that the nuptials would be delayed until after the federal election in the second half of 2025. Before this swerve, planning was under way and focused on two big concerns: protesters and paparazzi.
One can imagine the intra-governmental departmental memos that have buzzed around. But if PM31 is still in the job by the time invites go out, it has been deemed acceptable for the wedding to take place at an official residence. Sydney’s Kirribilli House would be a glorious vista, but a nightmare for guests who would run the gauntlet of all manner of aforementioned protesters and paparazzi.
The happy moment.Credit: John Shakespeare
The threat of Palestinian activists has been top of mind, but after recent weeks the Prime Minister’s Office must be terrified at the prospect of Greens MP Max Chandler-Mather in a black muscle T screaming along with his new CFMEU besties “Australia for the working man” as a limo containing Kyle Sandilands and his mother drives by.
And you can’t shield guests from nosy photographers, who would be sitting on a sleek launch for every media organisation from New Idea to The Saturday Paper.
So The Lodge in Canberra makes more sense as a safer, more secure venue. We predict a tasteful but modest affair. Cossie Livs, you understand.
We asked the PMO’s office for any details they could spare but we didn’t hear back.
“It’s not like it would be if Malcolm and Lucy were renewing their vows,” said CBD’s celebrity wedding planner, who predicted Haydon’s large family would make up a fair proportion of the 200 or so guests.
The Courier Mail interviewed the prime minister last month and reported the couple would marry next year although “a sprightly 94-year-old grandmother on the Haydon side of the equation is apparently urging them to bring forward the process”. Time will tell.
All of this is assuming he wins the election. If not, they might all head to Camperdown Commons adjacent to his electorate of Grayndler, where in July 2020 CBD spotted the pair on an early date.
Far north Queensland for the honeymoon? Townsville is a favoured holiday destination of the couple, who have also been to Broome. One thing is certain: the honeymoon won’t be in Hawaii.
LETTUCE LIZ
Brace yourselves: the annual local edition of the Conservative Political Action Conference, the right’s answer to Woodstock, returns with a whimper next month, trading the glitz and glamour of the Harbour City for ... Brisbane.
The Queensland capital seems a more appropriate host for the 2024 edition’s fairly tired line-up of standard homegrown conservative agitators – Coalition senators Matt Canavan, Alex Antic and Bridget McKenzie, former deputy prime minister Barnaby Joyce, former resources minister Keith Pitt, their defecting colleague Gerard Rennick and a couple of Sky News regulars.
More intriguing are the yet-to-be-announced headline acts, which may include a former British prime minister, probably a female if the profile on CPAC’s website is anything to go by.
Baroness Thatcher, who no doubt would be CPAC’s No.1 choice, is sadly unavailable. That leaves two options – Britain’s former school prefect Theresa May or Liz Truss, best known for her 44-day stint in Number 10, which was outlasted by a lettuce.
Alas, CPAC boss Andrew Cooper didn’t return our calls, but our money is on Truss, who remains beloved in the right-wing talk-sphere and spoke to the OG American CPAC this year, when she blamed the “deep state” for her political downfall.
She is also a big fan of Australia, once travelling here via private jet, and even attending the 2019 Midwinter Ball, courtesy of then High Commissioner to the United Kingdom George Brandis, where she sat next to former Qantas boss Alan Joyce. In fact, this very column revealed Truss and Brandis had been spotted boogie-ing the night away at a gay nightclub in Manchester during the 2021 Tory party conference.
She gets on famously with our own short-lived Great Right Hope Tony Abbott, even giving him a special trade envoy role.
So Lettuce Liz headlining CPAC makes sense. Unlike another conference regular Nigel Farage, she’s funemployed after losing her seat in one of the many Portillo moments at this year’s British election.
Brisbane’s Fortitude Valley provides plenty of entertaining venues for Truss to bust a move, such as The Beat MegaClub.
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