‘My life was destroyed’: Veteran suicide families speak out

Shortly after the Anzac Day dawn service in Martin Place finished on a mild morning in April this year, a woman in a black T-shirt began propping up photographs along the Pitt Street side of the Cenotaph.

Julie-Ann Finney had flown up from Adelaide at her own expense the night before. Among the seven pictures was her son, David. Others were servicemen she didn’t know. They had one thing in common. All took their own lives.

When Finney went public about her grief, others approached her to share their loss and to understand what came next.

The findings of the Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide are to be handed to Governor-General Sam Mostyn on September 9. It is the culmination of 12 hearings over almost three years which received 5889 submissions, undertook 900 private sessions and heard 346 witnesses.

The collective voice of the bereaved is about to be amplified and changes implemented. So they hope.

Michael, whose family have asked us to withhold his surname, was a leading seaman from Wollongong when he died. A youngest child with two sisters, he enlisted in the Royal Australian Navy at the age of 18 in 2004 and served on submarines in WA.

In February 2022, his sister Melissa was told that her 34-year-old brother had taken his own life on base at HMAS Kuttabul in Sydney.

“He was home the weekend before, and it didn’t seem anything was off. We learnt that he had attempted six months before and took himself to hospital. We didn’t even know about it.

“We learnt he was exposed to horrific trauma, sexual abuse, bullying, and discrimination for three years on an Australian Collins-class submarine. Mum and Dad expected that he would be looked after, not put in a submarine where he can’t escape and horrific things happened to him.

“I reached out to Julie-Ann Finney who I had seen on TV within weeks of Michael’s passing. She put us on to her lawyer who found out what had happened to him through the details in his DVA claims; it was all there. The navy has just swept it under the carpet. He had claims in and if that money had come to him it might have helped him knowing that he was getting transitioned out of the Defence Force.”

Melissa and her mother Cheryl privately gave evidence to the royal commission. “We felt very seen and heard by Peggy Brown [one of three commissioners]. She sent us a card afterwards about how sorry she was.

“We just want someone to be held accountable. My brother felt he wasn’t being seen or heard and wasn’t getting anywhere and he tried so hard. He died on the day that he was being pushed out, medically discharged. He made a very clear statement to the Defence Force and his suicide note said ‘the Royal Australian Navy is responsible for my death’.

Michael’s mum Cheryl said his death was something she would never get over.

“I have to go and see a psychologist every couple of months and talk about it. I go past his room and think, why isn’t Michael here with me. I have got all his clothes there and his work boots. My husband can’t talk about it.”

She repeats a mantra coined by Finney. “I don’t want anyone to enlist until it is fixed.”

Melissa works at a university. She used to do marketing and events. Now she’s changed roles as her unwanted life experience pushed her into becoming a triage and student life co-ordinator.

“My brother knocked on the door and nobody helped him. At least any students who come to us, I will make sure they get the help that they need,” she said.

‘My life was destroyed’

NSW president of the Families of Veterans Guild (previously the Australian War Widows) Queen Dunbar was 41 with two children aged 15 and 11 when her husband Adam, 43, took his life in 2017. She is one of about 15,000 war widows in NSW and 43,000 across Australia.

A captain in intelligence, Adam served in Solomon Islands, Iraq, then Afghanistan, where he witnessed the death of a friend. Back home, he would pace the house all night, became reclusive, and was diagnosed with PTSD.

Asked what her priority for the royal commission report findings is, Dunbar, without hesitation, says support for families.

“I would like to see a lot more support for the member going through transition [to civilian work],” she said. “My life was destroyed by my husband’s suicide.

“Being in the Defence Force is an identity, it’s a belonging to a family. Support the veterans in that transition and support the families to help them through it. We have a lot more widows who are young, in their 20s, 30s and 40s, that are coming through, unfortunately, because of what has been happening to our veterans. I have met widowers as well that were married to female veterans who have taken their lives.”

Dunbar said that time doesn’t help in terms of relieving the pain.

“Even now. I will see someone wearing a Sydney FC jumper and from the back they look like my husband. I go into a bit of a panic attack.

“He absolutely loved Sydney FC and the Socceroos. I take my kids to watch the Socceroos when they play. You see the green and gold, and he has got a few jumpers. My kids actually get his jerseys, scarf and beanie, and they wear them to the game. He is still part of us even though he is not here.”

And the outcome of the royal commission? “I am always going to be optimistic. There has to be change. If through that change we can reach the vulnerable, that’s what we want.”

Will she remarry? “No. I can’t see it. I have been too traumatised. I do wish to meet somebody one day, maybe. Have a partner? Absolutely. It’s all in the future. Do I envisage it? No. It’s really hard to let go of … I’m scared to be hurt again.

Lance Corporal Ryan Goodwin enlisted in the army in 2017 and trained others in the use of the ASLAV armoured reconnaissance vehicles. He served for four months in Afghanistan in 2011 on Operation Slipper, was fired upon and delivered fire.

He left the army after four years, although his parents, Phil and Bronwyn, who moved to Port Pirie, north of Adelaide, from Brisbane after his passing, believe the army would have liked him to stay on.

Apart from what he witnessed in Afghanistan, he lost a close friend who died in a motorcycle accident, and he was first on the scene of a crash involving a tanker and car in which two people died. The demons set in and he presented to the DVA for support.

“He presented for consultation at the DVA, but they turned him away,” says his father, Phil. His mother, Bronwyn, adds: “Ryan came home [from the DVA], and he was so angry. He said he was never going back, it was some f---ing – excuse my language – dickhead just out of university who knows nothing. He more or less told Ryan he was an idiot. ”

Phil said When Ryan got out of the army and went for jobs he was knocked back, and re-employment after service is a problem.

They have engaged a lawyer to investigate how Ryan was treated. “I just hope that no other mother, father, brother, sister, family, goes through what we’ve gone through … the big hole that we have got in our hearts,” Bronwyn said.

Michael Power, the second of three sons who grew up in Sydney, wanted to join the army from an early age. He was based in Townsville and took to it “like a duck to water”. And then the bullying started.

His mother, Colleen Pillen, said: “It was Christmas 2016, and he wasn’t in a good way. He was very angry, and I didn’t recognise that as depression at the time or the anxiety that he was developing. When he got back to Townsville, he said he fell in a bit of a heap and went and sought support.”

“They put him in hospital for close to two months. He didn’t receive any help. I don’t believe he got any counselling or medication. I wasn’t even contacted to let me know that he was in hospital.”

Pillen said they were going to give him an administrative discharge, which means you’re getting kicked out.

“He should have been given a medical discharge and that would have given him some financial support. When he did leave in 2017, he felt really lost. He was a bit bewildered with what to do next.”

Then came the battle to get a psychiatrist to confirm her son’s depression so the administrative discharge could be changed to a medical discharge so he could obtain financial support.

“Four days after he saw a doctor, he took his own life, aged 29. He told her he had attempted twice, but she decided she wasn’t going to treat him or refer him on to any other doctors.

“When he did die, I still wanted his discharge changed over to a medical just for the honour of it. When I contacted the [original] doctor in Queensland and said Michael’s now passed away, I got the paperwork from him that same day. It was just absolutely appalling.

“Each way he turned, he was met with roadblocks, and then we found out he didn’t actually need that report to apply for the discharge to be changed.

“They can’t hide any more, the royal commission is shining a light on these issues … the bullying and the post-traumatic stress that DVA don’t always recognise.

“They have to do something, and I am optimistic that things will change.”

Julie-Ann Finney has more plans to get her message out. She has booked the lawns at Parliament House on September 11 and has a flyer and a guest list of MPs.

Her son David took his life, aged 38, having served 20 years in the navy. He was out for a year. He asked for help.

David wrote to a rehab management company in the ACT. An emailed reply from a consultant dated October 25, 2018, says: “I’ve spoken with my colleagues and made a call regarding the psychiatrists for you. There are none in the ACT taking on new clients for DVA members. However, the specialist clinic at Murrumbateman has three psychiatrists taking new referrals, and they accept DVA members. Two have a waiting list for new patients until April-May 2019, and the other has a waiting list until January 2019. Hope that helps.”

It didn’t. David took his life on February 1, 2019.

Finney says: “When the royal commission came, I attended every session all around Australia. I believe I’m the only unpaid person to have done that.

“The trauma, the impact of what I was hearing, of putting myself in other people’s shoes and listening to their horrific stories as well as having my own … My own story has made me just want to ensure that this royal commission is not in vain. I don’t want my son’s death to be in vain, and the royal commission must not be in vain.

“What we need is an independent body that will hear serving members and families and veterans when things are going wrong. If you go to DVA, there’s a long wait. If you go back to defence, they’re not interested.

“And when people ask me what I do, I say I’m Dave’s mum, and I’m really, really honoured to be Dave’s mum.”

If you are a current or former ADF member, or a relative, and need counselling or support, you can contact the Defence All-Hours Support Line on 1800 628 036 or Open Arms on 1800 011 046. Crisis support is also available from Lifeline on 13 11 14.