I’ve done all the dumb things – so you don’t have to

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life as a traveller. Going on an African safari and forgetting to load my camera with a battery, paying for a meal at Split in Croatia with euro rather than local kuna, which cost me about $120 rather than the $13.25 on the bill.

Once, waiting in a long queue for a bus ticket in Pakistan, a youth came up to me and said, “Give me your money, I’ll get your ticket for you,” and I did. He disappeared and I was mulling over my stupidity but then, miraculously, he reappeared with my ticket. “You should never do that again,” he scolded me, so you see, lesson learned.

The stuff-up list is long, and therefore I am exceedingly well-equipped to offer advice to others. There was the time I drove across Cahills Crossing on Kakadu’s East Alligator River in a four-wheel drive ute. The causeway was covered by water from an in rushing tide but I had a plane to catch so I thought I’d give it a go.

I plunged in and after just a few metres the ute started to bob up and down, losing traction on the bottom as the water became deeper and the current gripped. The crossing is famous for two reasons. One is the number of vehicles that cross at the wrong time, get swept off the causeway and dumped sideways or upside down in the water below. The other is the number of crocodiles that lurk in that very water.

After several terrifying lurches, the ute hit the upward ramp and the worst minute of my life was over. On the bank was a busload of tourists whose driver had prudently decided to wait it out. I couldn’t help noticing their expressions of horror, but I gave them a thumbs up and what I hoped was a cheeky grin rather than teeth bared in terror.

The moral? Don’t go travelling thinking you’re not going to get it wrong, because you will. No matter how well you plan, the world will find your weak spot. And if there are crocs, wait until the water subsides.

Michael.gebicki@traveller.com.au