I’m getting married. Should I keep a separate bank account?

I’m in my 30s and about to get married. We both work and earn, and until now have had separate bank accounts. I’m trying to figure out how to manage money together as a couple, and whether it’s a good idea to combine everything. Although my fiance earns more, I take a more active interest in the finances. I worry that if we combine everything, we might have more conflict as we have a lot of independence now with how we manage our own money. What’s the best way to manage money as a couple?

This topic is actually less about money and more about relationships. The “right” answer for you is going to depend on how you view marriage, your respective roles and so on. This is why I don’t like prescribing a “one-size-fits-all” approach here. There are different approaches, each with pros and cons. Here are the two most common approaches:

The ‘you’re now one team, so it’s all combined’ approach

With this, you’d have all your income coming into a joint account, and most money (if not all) would be held jointly. This has certain advantages: it can be easier to build wealth faster when you’re combining resources. It can also cultivate a sense of togetherness, so both parties feel supported regardless of how much they earn and whether they’re working. It also helps you approach life as a single unit, with a single pool of resources for things that come up.

However, there can also be challenges. For one, you need to develop a cohesive financial approach. If you have very different goals or attitudes, there will be friction. Also, if one party is driving all the financial management, there is an element of risk; in the worst case, this can lead to financial abuse or mismanagement. So if you share everything, it’s important that there is equal access, transparency and both parties feel their opinions and feelings about what happens to the money is valued.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

• It’s good to have some individual allocation for personal spending, so both parties have some autonomy to enjoy spending without feeling judged or needing permission for every purchase.
• Combining finances is more than just putting all money in one bucket. It’s really about having some level of unified vision for life together. This means having conversations about what your future looks like and what your individual versus shared goals and priorities are.
• There is a larger element of financial trust required. Advocates of this approach will say if you aren’t ready to trust someone financially, perhaps you’re not ready to marry them. That may have some merit to it, but that doesn’t mean you should do it just because you think you “should”. There’s a distinction between combining finances because you trust someone, and combining finances to prove you trust someone. If the trust isn’t there, work on that first.

The ‘keep things separate’ approach

With this approach, you each make contributions towards shared expenses, but your income comes into your individual accounts and you might also maintain separate savings and even investment accounts. This gives you individually a greater deal of autonomy and control over your own income, and as a result requires less of a unified approach to the finances. The main thing you need to agree on is how you will manage the shared expenses.